Halloween musings

Halloween hasn't been quite the same since 2005. That was the day that Stephanie came off life support. I was here in Springville, with Steve & Daniel in SoCal at her hospital bedside. Because I wasn't there, it is sometimes surreal. I can for a few seconds believe that she is in Chula Vista, or Montclair, or anywhere but dead. It's taken three years for this irony to occur to me: A diabetic died the day after Halloween.
I'm not sure anyone but Steve understands why I wasn't there. It wasn't because I had just started my new job here, although that was an ok excuse. It also wasn't just a financial decision. Initially, when we got the call from Daniel, and Steve flew down, I really thought that he would bring Stephanie home, here in Springville, and we would take care of her, maybe even in an impaired condition. We talked every day he was there, and in the first two days when we realized there was probably no return, I made a conscious (and spiritual) decision: Daniel & Steve, and even Cheryl, needed to be together without my additional dynamic. While in some ways it meant I didn't need to deal with the immediate situation, it also meant I wasn't there physically to support Steve emotionally. That was hard. It also opened me to criticism from other people who loved Stephanie. That, I don't care about, much. The part I wasn't prepared for was how difficult the 'closure' part has been. Grief sneaks up on me at odd times. I tried very hard to be a supportive, non-judgemental step-mom, but during her teens, Steph was unable to accept what I had to give. The year before her death, when she came up to Elverta to visit, I had the first glimmer of hope that the relationship I wanted with her might evolve in the coming few years. We didn't know we didn't have time. That was the last time I saw her. I need Daniel, in particular, to know that I loved Stephanie, and cared very much about her life. I was happy that she was finally getting a direction and doing the massage therapy school. I had great hope for her to find herself, apart from Daniel & Victoria or anyone else. She needed to know who SHE was.
Three years later, I'm done second guessing. I did the right thing. It would've been easier to have been there and immediately experienced the emotions, rather than have them blunted by separation from reality. I really feel that while for us left behind her death was untimely, her move to an eternal realm has allowed her far more freedom to learn about herself, and about Truth. The real Stephanie is moving forward and happy.

More halloween Pics

The Snow Queen & "Chuck" (We don't have any of Ben as Indiana Jones. He was at his Dad's. I hope we get some pics.)
The full effect of the Change costume. I also thought that if the political aspect didn't work, I could always work my 'age' angle where 'change' has an entirely different meaning. Steve wore his same costume, jeans, polo shirt, and a smile.
I'd like to see some California Halloween pics, too.

halloween pics

I needed a 5 minute costume. Thanks to Donielle, I just needed some change, hot glue, and my computer. I got a lot of chuckles, and also left people to wonder if I was promoting, or mocking Obama.
Ricky looking in his candy bag.
This boy loves candy!