Prop 8

For those of you in Utah that may not know, Proposition 8 on California’s ballot this election, has to do with same-sex marriage. You probably remember Proposition 22 a few years back; it changed the language in California’s constitution to state more clearly that marriage can only be recognized between one man and one woman. It passed with 61% of the vote. Earlier this year the Supreme Court overturned that decision, with a 4 to 3 vote, on the basis that it was a civil rights violation, and for the last several months many same-sex couples have been getting married. You probably saw pictures of Ellen Degeneres and Portia DeRossi’s wedding. Well, Proposition 8 proposes to overturn the Supreme Court’s decision and make same-sex marriage, again, unrecognized in the state of California.

Supporters of Proposition 8 say they want to protect marriage and protect the family. The No-On-Prop-8-Supporters say that they want equality for all, and that same-sex couples deserve to have the legal and financial benefits given to traditional married couples.

This has been a tough decision for me. I feel like no one should be discriminated against, especially from a gospel perspective. I’ve received several emails of “Yes on 8” propaganda. All of them have made me cringe. Most of them were videos on YouTube. Not only were they cheesy, but they were ignorant, and almost bigoted. They were obviously using fear tactics to get their message across, and it wasn’t working for me.

Here’s where it gets sticky … The Church doesn’t say much about politics. In fact, the only time I know of the First Presidency encouraging us to vote a certain way has been with Proposition 22, and now Proposition 8. So I know the Prophet has said that we should vote “Yes,” and I KNOW that he knows best, but I’ve had a hard time figuring out why exactly it’s so important that our state’s constitution specifically recognizes marriage only between a man and a woman. So up until recently my sample ballot has been checked “yes” only because I believe the prophet knows best, but I certainly wasn’t planning on sticking a sign in my yard or knocking on doors like many of our ward members.

The only argument I have been hearing from supporters of Prop 8 that seems half way credible is that, because of education code § 51890, if same-sex marriage became legal it would have to be taught in public schools as being no different from traditional marriage. (This is where the scary music comes on and they show the children’s book depicting “Bobby’s dad and his partner, Chuck, making dinner.”) Okay, so ... I don’t actually have a problem with that. I actually want my son to understand that there are all different kinds of families out there, people make different choices, they try to figure out how to be happy in this big world with lots of choices, and I certainly would never want him to feel inclined to make fun of “Bobby-with-the-two-dads.” It’s at home that we would have the conversation about how important family is, and how the kind of marriage that Heavenly Father has planned for us is only between a man and a woman. But that doesn’t mean if someone makes a different choice that they are a bad person or that we should treat them differently. It means that we should be thankful we have the gospel that shows us how to make the best choices so that we can have the most happiness. I don’t ever want to depend on the public school system to teach my children morals or values. That is my job. And if I feel that my child is in a poisonous environment and is being brainwashed, then that’s when I step in as a parent and find a private school that suits my values, or begin homeschooling. So the whole argument about it being the end of the world if diversity is taught in public school just doesn’t fly with me.

On the other side of the argument we hear, “We need to have same-sex marriage legally recognized so that same-sex partners can visit eachother in the hospital.” Really??? We need to make a law to change hospital policies? I actually couldn’t find any real instance of someone not being able to visit their partner in the hospital because they weren’t legally married, but I have heard a lot of talk about that; that it’s absolutely not acceptable for that to happen. I agree. It’s not. But if we legalize same-sex marriage does that mean we’ll never have to worry about that? Will you have to keep your marriage certificate folded up in your wallet just in case? Come on, that’s silly. If hospital policy is discriminating, you tell the hospital. If they don’t budge you have a protest. Everybody loves a good protest … except hospitals. That’s bad for their reputation, and that changes things quick. But do you know why we haven’t seen any protests on T.V.? Because it’s not happening! It’s not a real problem! (At least not in California.) It’s just something completely hypothetical that sounds scary. “What about the legal aspects? If a partner dies, how will their surviving partner get the house they’ve shared???” Ummm, that’s called a will, actually. It has nothing to do with marriage. You can leave your house or your car or your ipod to whoever you want, you don’t have to be married to them. “What about insurance?” This was a good argument for me. I think committed couples should be able to have the same insurance benefits that traditionally married couples do. It doesn’t make sense to me that they should be denied that. And you know what? It turns out they’re not. Have you ever seen the question on paperwork that asks if you are in a “domestic partnership?” That’s what that is. A domestic partnership can be between a boyfriend and girlfriend that have lived together for years but never actually got married, or it can be between a couple of the same sex. It’s a legal thing. They can have the same benefits as being a “spouse” for things like your health insurance or car insurance or school financial aid. (Incidentally, I’m a child of a couple that was in what we would call today a domestic partnership. My parents had lived together since before I was born but never got married. They never had any problems with health insurance or visiting each other in the hospital or any of that.) So, legally, a domestic partnership is just as valid as a marriage. (Family Code § 297.5.)

If that’s the case, then what are same-sex couples missing out on exactly? They have all the legal benefits that traditionally married couples do. California has the most extensive domestic partnership laws in the country. (There are a few benefits that they cannot have, but they are all federal benefits, such as social security. We can make whatever laws we want in California and that’s not going to change federal law.)

What same-sex couples are missing out on is that piece of paper that says, “Congratulations, you’re a normal married couple.” They’re missing out on that day when their friends and family gather together and they commit themselves to each other. But the thing is they don’t need a law for that. They can have that. There are several churches that have been performing “marriages” or “sacred unions” or “commitment ceremonies” right along. Maybe not the Catholic Church, maybe not The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, but chances are if they are active members of a church, they’re most likely attending a church that would recognize their union. What they want is to be accepted as a “married” couple among society. But just changing the language to call it “marriage” isn’t going to accomplish that. If people don’t believe gay people should be allowed to marry they’re not going to all of a sudden change their minds because now it’s legally called “marriage.” The opponents of Proposition 8 are trying to stop the discrimination that they feel in their daily lives by changing the legal wording. That won’t stop discrimination. It takes time; it takes generations slowly teaching their children tolerance.

Again, here’s where it gets sticky … we have this little thing called “separation between church and state,” and it’s pretty darn important. Churches can make their own decisions about what is “allowed” in their congregation, and the government decides what is legal in the secular world. This is where the problem lies with opposing Proposition 8. When the supreme court overturned Prop 22 it made a dangerous step across that church/state line. If a church does not accept same-sex marriage there is potential that they could face legal action. Even if it doesn’t hold up in court at first (and I think eventually it might) it could still go to trial over and over and over, causing great financial strain which takes away from the good things that churches do, like humanitarian work.

Here’s the issue that I think would be affected more immediately. Many churches have adoption services. If an adoption agency refused to place a child in an adoptive family solely because the adoptive parents were the same sex they would most definitely face legal action. Would these church sponsored adoption agencies change their minds and begin placing children with same-sex parents because this new law told them to? Maybe some, but not very many. They would close their doors before that happened. Charities work better than government. Private adoption agencies work better than state-run adoption services. Look at the back log in the foster care system. It’s so daunting to try and adopt a foster child many parents don’t even try. Can you imagine what would happen to that, already pathetically flawed system, if all of a sudden most of the private adoption agencies closed up shop?

The main thing that I learned from my research is that Proposition 8 really won’t do anything to help same-sex couples. Voting “No” doesn’t give them any more rights. Voting “Yes” doesn’t take away any of their rights. But, voting “No” does begin fuzzying that line between church and state. I don’t want the government legislating morals. I do want everyone to have equal rights. I am voting “Yes” because I believe that is the only vote that will accomplish both of those things. Oh, ... AND because the Prophet said to, and he knows a lot more than we do. Do I plan on putting a sign in my yard? No. Not because I’m embarrassed of my decision to vote “Yes,” but because I couldn’t fit everything on the sign I would want to. Many people see a “Yes on 8” sign as a display of intolerance. I would never want someone to feel that I am judging them or their lifestyle. My vote is not stemming from hatred or fear that “the gays” are gonna take over. My vote comes because I want the government to stay out of faith-based issues, and because I want to protect the rights of everyone to practice their own beliefs whatever they may be.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=73oZ_pe1MZ8&feature=related ... just because I like him :)