Well the Stimulator is in and if it works as well as it did on the table I am going to be so happy next Friday when they turn it on permanently.
First they gave me a Spinal Block, which numbs you from the injection site down, so I could be awake for the whole thing. then they gave me some sedation so I wouldn't be anxious. That just made me loopy. I sang and hummed the whole time. I bet they thought me quite mad. After the y opened me up the Surgeon nipped off pieces of the Lamina so that he could have better access to place the wire. The wire is like the one Josh showed me in the beginning except that it had a paddle at the end of it that had 16 contacts on it. when the surgeon placed the wire then the Precision tech fired up the unit to see how well and how close she could get to the final program. She and the surgeon workes together until I was tingling from Paddle placement point to my big toes. She then turned it off and the surgeon placed the unit inside my right side. The tech then turned it back on and made sure everything was still working and then turned it off.
That was the neatest operation that I have ever been able to observe. I stayed overnight in the, get this, Maternity postpartum ward. How neat is that. Not everyone gets that privilege. Except maybe evey woman who has ever given birth.
Today I don't feel too bad. I feel better after every "nap",4 hours or more. I am going to try and cut down on the pain meds so that I can be able to drive myself where I want to go. The only thing that I feel is the fact that my whole body seems to be bloted or swolen a bit.
Well I will let all know how things are going so that you know how I am doing. Thanks for all your prayers, they have worked very well. Thanks to Richard and family for visiting me in the Hospital. Expecially thanks to Ben for the cute card he made me. It will be going into my keepsake file.
Friday, January 23, 2009
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Our Christmas Tree Adventure
Saturday we went up to Apple Hill to get our Christmas Tree. James, of course, had lots of homework, so we got a pretty late start and knew we would have to pick out a tree fast before it got dark. We were looking for the hunt n cut farm we usually go to when our car started overheating. FAST. We turned on the heater, but before long the heater was blowing out cold air. (That can’t be good.) We pulled over in a drive way. I was ready to call Triple A and go home, but James was adamant that we would NOT be leaving without a tree. So while James let the car cool off, Sam and I walked up the hill to begin Christmas Tree browsing. It was almost dark. We were the only ones there. The farmer was very old and seemed a little worried that we wanted a Christmas Tree so late. James talked to a young guy that was visiting the farmer’s family and wrangled some water to fill up the radiator. Soon he found Sam and I, and together we found the most beautiful Christmas Tree EVER. While James strapped the tree to the roof of our little Honda Civic, the farmer called Autozone to see if they were still open (it was almost 5:00 for goodness sake!) and his wife gave Sam and I a little bag of apples. We stood around the car for a few minutes discussing how to get to Autozone and putting giant pickle jars of water in the trunk, while Sam showed me over and over, “A doggie! A doggie! A doggie!” The farmer noticed and called “Shirley,” his aging Britney Spaniel, over to entertain Sam. Sam was thrilled (like he never sees dogs or something) and was happy petting Shirley while the grown-ups did whatever it is that grown-ups do. I was keeping an eye on Sam and Shirley while I put our apples in the car. Shirley was old so I wasn’t sure how much she would appreciate an almost 2 year old touching her, but since the farmer called her over to visit I figured she must be used to grandkids. I reminded Sam to be gentle even though he was doing a good job of being gentle, and he thought it was hilarious that Shirley kept putting her itchy bum in his face for him to scratch. Sam turned to look at me, thrilled that he was petting a dog, just as Shirley thrust her bum into the side of Sam’s head. Sam started to fall and reached out to grab Shirley’s bum. Shirley didn’t like that. She moved quick for such an old gal. Not a little warning snap either. She told Sam what was up … a few times. At that point the farmer was standing at just the right angle to block my view of where Sam and Shirley met. I thought she just snapped up his hands good. But after a minute or two I could slowly see she got Sam’s face. He got a good bruise and a little blood right under his eye, and another bite mark over his nose. It was pretty heartbreaking to see him so sad, especially because the poor little guy didn’t even do anything. He was being gentle, darn it. Well, that got us on the road quick. We kinda felt like we got took. We paid $53.00 for the Christmas Tree! But we didn’t really have much choice, and like I said, it is the most beautiful Christmas Tree EVER. It was nice that they gave us water and a few apples, but then their dog tried to eat my kid, so … I’m not sure who came out on top. Oh, I forgot the funniest part. There was also this raggedy looking orange barn cat there. Sam kept showing it to me, “A cat! A cat!” When Sam was crying from his brush with death at the jaws of Shirley the old farmer went and got that nasty cat and tried to bring him over for Sam to pet! That thing was hissing and growling and scratching that poor old man! Too bad I didn’t see him do that BEFORE he called Shirley over, then I would have known not to trust his judgment in his animals’ temperaments!
Well, if you’re feeling bad for Sam I’ll give you the whole story so he can REALLY get some sympathy. That same morning when we were taking Daddy to work, Sam fell down the cement stairs out front and got a good bump and road rash on his forehead. Then the tussle with Shirley happened. Then, back at home, he fell off the kitchen chair he wasn’t supposed to be standing on and got a bump on the other side of his forehead. The next day he decided to give himself a haircut … in the tub … with the razor. Then today (please don’t call CPS) I accidentally shut the tip of his thumb in the car door. Yep. Poor guy.
So … our Christmas Tree Adventure didn’t really go as planned … (I didn’t even get any pie, darn it!) But it made me really thankful to be a girl. When the car broke down, other than offering my Triple A card, my work was done. James had to figure out how to keep us safe and not lose all our savings towing and fixing our only car. My job was to have a good time with Sam while Daddy made everything better. It was a little disappointing not to have the family outing we thought it would be, but we did have a good time. When I was a kid, having a disaster like that would have definitely ruined the whole day and everyone would have hated each other. Sam’s probably not old enough to even remember this trip (which may be good to prevent a future dog phobia) but even if he was old enough to remember, I’m sure he would remember it as a fun trip. He had no idea we got ourselves in a mess. He just thought we were taking an extra long walk to get to the trees. And he really was excited to pick one out - that was neat - to see him “discussing the merits” of each tree in different tones of nonsense adjectives. Sam is very proud of his special tree. He gets excited every morning when he sees it. He likes to turn the light switch on to light it up, and we catch him smelling it and (for some reason) blowing on it – not sure what that’s about, but it sure is cute.
Well, if you’re feeling bad for Sam I’ll give you the whole story so he can REALLY get some sympathy. That same morning when we were taking Daddy to work, Sam fell down the cement stairs out front and got a good bump and road rash on his forehead. Then the tussle with Shirley happened. Then, back at home, he fell off the kitchen chair he wasn’t supposed to be standing on and got a bump on the other side of his forehead. The next day he decided to give himself a haircut … in the tub … with the razor. Then today (please don’t call CPS) I accidentally shut the tip of his thumb in the car door. Yep. Poor guy.
So … our Christmas Tree Adventure didn’t really go as planned … (I didn’t even get any pie, darn it!) But it made me really thankful to be a girl. When the car broke down, other than offering my Triple A card, my work was done. James had to figure out how to keep us safe and not lose all our savings towing and fixing our only car. My job was to have a good time with Sam while Daddy made everything better. It was a little disappointing not to have the family outing we thought it would be, but we did have a good time. When I was a kid, having a disaster like that would have definitely ruined the whole day and everyone would have hated each other. Sam’s probably not old enough to even remember this trip (which may be good to prevent a future dog phobia) but even if he was old enough to remember, I’m sure he would remember it as a fun trip. He had no idea we got ourselves in a mess. He just thought we were taking an extra long walk to get to the trees. And he really was excited to pick one out - that was neat - to see him “discussing the merits” of each tree in different tones of nonsense adjectives. Sam is very proud of his special tree. He gets excited every morning when he sees it. He likes to turn the light switch on to light it up, and we catch him smelling it and (for some reason) blowing on it – not sure what that’s about, but it sure is cute.
Saturday, November 15, 2008
Indiana Jones, starring Ben Cleverly
Here is Ben in his Indiana Jones costume. I cropped his cousin, Parker, out because he was Scooby Doo and I didn't want any confusion since Ricky was also Scooby Doo
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Election Day - Daniel's perspective
The day is still young and the last 24 hours still very fresh in our minds. I'm going to try and keep this short but I want to start out by asking the rest of you individually to give your thoughtful feelings and impressions of this historic election day, the results perhaps and thoughts on the future. Some of you have yet to post and I know it's hard to share opinions when you aren't sure how they will be received or what the reply might be but I think it's important. So here I go...
Yesterday I was frantic. I spent much of the morning and afternoon really digging my head "in the books" and by that I mean online, researching every initiative and every candidate for school board or medical board or city council until I felt confident that every single vote I made yesterday would be one I could be proud of. I did just that.
On the drive home last night from shopping, some results were already coming in. It's always amazed me how the media will call a state for a candidate when less than 5% of the votes are in. I saw New Mexico called for Obama and Wyoming for McCain before a single precinct had reported. It blew my mind! Well, the votes came in and the media was right but still...how can they do that? I was happy at what they were predicting but I got really nervous that they might be jinxing it or something.
As it became more and more clear that Obama would be our next President-elect, I was filled with so much joy and then as those of you who know me would expect, the fear, the caution and the subtle tones of doubt started to creep in. I have to say that now I've got what one might call cautious optimism. I'm hopeful that Obama will be a good president and will lead us through the tough times we face now and tough times we're sure to face in the next four years. He will be challenged, that's for sure. The world wants to know if this country can still be counted on to lead. Do we still have any integrity left? Now that Bush is gone, what will become of us? Who will we be as a nation? Can we learn from our own history? Not just the past 8 years but the past 232?
Then as those thoughts started to pass I turned the channel to local news and followed as some things went my way (prop 1a, 2-7) and some didn't (Prop 8 & 10). Some of them I didn't feel too strongly about as far as my emotions were concerned. Prop 2 would help in some ways but hurt in others and really not do enough in the end. Prop 7 was poorly written but prop 10 wasn't so why did people strike BOTH down? Prop 1a seems like a rush into things. Sure this country needs a high speed rail line but north and south through CA? REALLY? Not through Washington? Not east-west to Dallas, Denver, Chicago, New York, Washington DC? Oh well. Still a good start I guess.
Prop 8 was a tough one and I've hesitated giving my opinion because my emotions behind this are strong enough that I don't have the personal strength, discipline or control to argue the point rationally. In my head, the thoughts are clear, concise and logical. I know the real stance of both sides. I know how both sides think and why they feel what they do. I don't like many of the tactics by proponents and I don't like the lack of tactics by opponents. I don't like what I've seen some citizens against the proposition have done to those who expressed favor for it. The whole thing has been very nasty and well I'm still very angry, hurt, frustrated and disappointed in a lot of people I deeply care about so I'll just say that I wish it had gone differently and I guess we'll all just agree to disagree. Maybe sometime I'll the emotions will have subsided enough that I can talk more about it without getting so upset.
So yeah this election day brought tears of joy and pain, relief and anger, pride and disappointment. All election days do to some extent I think but this one was big and so the emotions on all sides were much stronger. I'll be watching closely in the coming weeks as Obama chooses his cabinet, decides which white house staff or pentagon officials keep their posts and who are sent packing. I'll watch his first 100 days and see what he can do with a democratic majority in both houses. I tend to fall a bit on the liberal side on a lot of social and domestic issues but I do not trust the Democratic party and I worry about what might come.
I want what's best for this country and what's best is that all voices get heard, all people get to work and do what's right for themselves and for the nation as a whole and that we all, especially in our disagreements, find a level of respect for each other instead of all the divisiveness that has plagued us since 9/11 and even before that. Let's truly stand united as a family, united as brothers and sisters of our Heavenly Father, united as friends as well as brothers, sisters, sons, daughters, mothers and fathers and united as citizens of this great country. Sounds like I'm running for office don't it? I get this way around this time every four years. It's cheesy and I'll mock myself for it later but don't worry it's all in fun and I promise to be entertaining when I do it so we can all giggle a bit.
I'm confident that our lives will be better in 2012 than they are now. All of us. I love you all and that is one emotion I don't mind sharing as often as possible and as strongly as I can in words. Take care and God bless.
Yesterday I was frantic. I spent much of the morning and afternoon really digging my head "in the books" and by that I mean online, researching every initiative and every candidate for school board or medical board or city council until I felt confident that every single vote I made yesterday would be one I could be proud of. I did just that.
On the drive home last night from shopping, some results were already coming in. It's always amazed me how the media will call a state for a candidate when less than 5% of the votes are in. I saw New Mexico called for Obama and Wyoming for McCain before a single precinct had reported. It blew my mind! Well, the votes came in and the media was right but still...how can they do that? I was happy at what they were predicting but I got really nervous that they might be jinxing it or something.
As it became more and more clear that Obama would be our next President-elect, I was filled with so much joy and then as those of you who know me would expect, the fear, the caution and the subtle tones of doubt started to creep in. I have to say that now I've got what one might call cautious optimism. I'm hopeful that Obama will be a good president and will lead us through the tough times we face now and tough times we're sure to face in the next four years. He will be challenged, that's for sure. The world wants to know if this country can still be counted on to lead. Do we still have any integrity left? Now that Bush is gone, what will become of us? Who will we be as a nation? Can we learn from our own history? Not just the past 8 years but the past 232?
Then as those thoughts started to pass I turned the channel to local news and followed as some things went my way (prop 1a, 2-7) and some didn't (Prop 8 & 10). Some of them I didn't feel too strongly about as far as my emotions were concerned. Prop 2 would help in some ways but hurt in others and really not do enough in the end. Prop 7 was poorly written but prop 10 wasn't so why did people strike BOTH down? Prop 1a seems like a rush into things. Sure this country needs a high speed rail line but north and south through CA? REALLY? Not through Washington? Not east-west to Dallas, Denver, Chicago, New York, Washington DC? Oh well. Still a good start I guess.
Prop 8 was a tough one and I've hesitated giving my opinion because my emotions behind this are strong enough that I don't have the personal strength, discipline or control to argue the point rationally. In my head, the thoughts are clear, concise and logical. I know the real stance of both sides. I know how both sides think and why they feel what they do. I don't like many of the tactics by proponents and I don't like the lack of tactics by opponents. I don't like what I've seen some citizens against the proposition have done to those who expressed favor for it. The whole thing has been very nasty and well I'm still very angry, hurt, frustrated and disappointed in a lot of people I deeply care about so I'll just say that I wish it had gone differently and I guess we'll all just agree to disagree. Maybe sometime I'll the emotions will have subsided enough that I can talk more about it without getting so upset.
So yeah this election day brought tears of joy and pain, relief and anger, pride and disappointment. All election days do to some extent I think but this one was big and so the emotions on all sides were much stronger. I'll be watching closely in the coming weeks as Obama chooses his cabinet, decides which white house staff or pentagon officials keep their posts and who are sent packing. I'll watch his first 100 days and see what he can do with a democratic majority in both houses. I tend to fall a bit on the liberal side on a lot of social and domestic issues but I do not trust the Democratic party and I worry about what might come.
I want what's best for this country and what's best is that all voices get heard, all people get to work and do what's right for themselves and for the nation as a whole and that we all, especially in our disagreements, find a level of respect for each other instead of all the divisiveness that has plagued us since 9/11 and even before that. Let's truly stand united as a family, united as brothers and sisters of our Heavenly Father, united as friends as well as brothers, sisters, sons, daughters, mothers and fathers and united as citizens of this great country. Sounds like I'm running for office don't it? I get this way around this time every four years. It's cheesy and I'll mock myself for it later but don't worry it's all in fun and I promise to be entertaining when I do it so we can all giggle a bit.
I'm confident that our lives will be better in 2012 than they are now. All of us. I love you all and that is one emotion I don't mind sharing as often as possible and as strongly as I can in words. Take care and God bless.
Monday, November 3, 2008
My own Musings
I have decided to add my own thoughts to the discussion. This Halloween as of the past three have been very hard ones to get excited about. November 1st will always be a hard date for me to handle. with the Holidays coming up I thought it prudent to scratch down my feelings.
I love all my children and their respective spouses. However as a parent who loses a child I can tell you all that the pain, while easier to deal with, never decreases. Even though I didn't love Stephanie any more than the rest of my kids, I Loved her deeply. She will always be a part of me that I miss very much. As for Sue not being there, I also made a choice not to beg her to be with me. She is right that Dan and I needed the time together so that he could see just how much She and he really meant to me.
I still cry at all the things thought of that we could have shared like watching her be a mom and seeing her get married to a great guy. As you can tell this is not mom but me, dad. Sorry I can't remember my own sign-in so just listen to my musings.
You are all very special spirits and I am SO proud of ALL of you. I am so blessed to have Three Sons and Three daughters here and One daughter waiting for us with Heavenly Father.
Well I had better close this posting before I get too maudlin and get water on the keys.
Wooppee I remembered my PW
I love all my children and their respective spouses. However as a parent who loses a child I can tell you all that the pain, while easier to deal with, never decreases. Even though I didn't love Stephanie any more than the rest of my kids, I Loved her deeply. She will always be a part of me that I miss very much. As for Sue not being there, I also made a choice not to beg her to be with me. She is right that Dan and I needed the time together so that he could see just how much She and he really meant to me.
I still cry at all the things thought of that we could have shared like watching her be a mom and seeing her get married to a great guy. As you can tell this is not mom but me, dad. Sorry I can't remember my own sign-in so just listen to my musings.
You are all very special spirits and I am SO proud of ALL of you. I am so blessed to have Three Sons and Three daughters here and One daughter waiting for us with Heavenly Father.
Well I had better close this posting before I get too maudlin and get water on the keys.
Wooppee I remembered my PW
Sunday, November 2, 2008
Halloween musings
Halloween hasn't been quite the same since 2005. That was the day that Stephanie came off life support. I was here in Springville, with Steve & Daniel in SoCal at her hospital bedside. Because I wasn't there, it is sometimes surreal. I can for a few seconds believe that she is in Chula Vista, or Montclair, or anywhere but dead. It's taken three years for this irony to occur to me: A diabetic died the day after Halloween.
I'm not sure anyone but Steve understands why I wasn't there. It wasn't because I had just started my new job here, although that was an ok excuse. It also wasn't just a financial decision. Initially, when we got the call from Daniel, and Steve flew down, I really thought that he would bring Stephanie home, here in Springville, and we would take care of her, maybe even in an impaired condition. We talked every day he was there, and in the first two days when we realized there was probably no return, I made a conscious (and spiritual) decision: Daniel & Steve, and even Cheryl, needed to be together without my additional dynamic. While in some ways it meant I didn't need to deal with the immediate situation, it also meant I wasn't there physically to support Steve emotionally. That was hard. It also opened me to criticism from other people who loved Stephanie. That, I don't care about, much. The part I wasn't prepared for was how difficult the 'closure' part has been. Grief sneaks up on me at odd times. I tried very hard to be a supportive, non-judgemental step-mom, but during her teens, Steph was unable to accept what I had to give. The year before her death, when she came up to Elverta to visit, I had the first glimmer of hope that the relationship I wanted with her might evolve in the coming few years. We didn't know we didn't have time. That was the last time I saw her. I need Daniel, in particular, to know that I loved Stephanie, and cared very much about her life. I was happy that she was finally getting a direction and doing the massage therapy school. I had great hope for her to find herself, apart from Daniel & Victoria or anyone else. She needed to know who SHE was.
Three years later, I'm done second guessing. I did the right thing. It would've been easier to have been there and immediately experienced the emotions, rather than have them blunted by separation from reality. I really feel that while for us left behind her death was untimely, her move to an eternal realm has allowed her far more freedom to learn about herself, and about Truth. The real Stephanie is moving forward and happy.
I'm not sure anyone but Steve understands why I wasn't there. It wasn't because I had just started my new job here, although that was an ok excuse. It also wasn't just a financial decision. Initially, when we got the call from Daniel, and Steve flew down, I really thought that he would bring Stephanie home, here in Springville, and we would take care of her, maybe even in an impaired condition. We talked every day he was there, and in the first two days when we realized there was probably no return, I made a conscious (and spiritual) decision: Daniel & Steve, and even Cheryl, needed to be together without my additional dynamic. While in some ways it meant I didn't need to deal with the immediate situation, it also meant I wasn't there physically to support Steve emotionally. That was hard. It also opened me to criticism from other people who loved Stephanie. That, I don't care about, much. The part I wasn't prepared for was how difficult the 'closure' part has been. Grief sneaks up on me at odd times. I tried very hard to be a supportive, non-judgemental step-mom, but during her teens, Steph was unable to accept what I had to give. The year before her death, when she came up to Elverta to visit, I had the first glimmer of hope that the relationship I wanted with her might evolve in the coming few years. We didn't know we didn't have time. That was the last time I saw her. I need Daniel, in particular, to know that I loved Stephanie, and cared very much about her life. I was happy that she was finally getting a direction and doing the massage therapy school. I had great hope for her to find herself, apart from Daniel & Victoria or anyone else. She needed to know who SHE was.
Three years later, I'm done second guessing. I did the right thing. It would've been easier to have been there and immediately experienced the emotions, rather than have them blunted by separation from reality. I really feel that while for us left behind her death was untimely, her move to an eternal realm has allowed her far more freedom to learn about herself, and about Truth. The real Stephanie is moving forward and happy.
More halloween Pics
The Snow Queen & "Chuck" (We don't have any of Ben as Indiana Jones. He was at his Dad's. I hope we get some pics.)
The full effect of the Change costume. I also thought that if the political aspect didn't work, I could always work my 'age' angle where 'change' has an entirely different meaning. Steve wore his same costume, jeans, polo shirt, and a smile.I'd like to see some California Halloween pics, too.
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